Her Journey Continues...
In her sister's heart
by
Karen West

Ginni wanted me to write this. I'm a little late...but Ginni was used to me being tardy a LOT! I guess that's another reason why she loved me! (smile)

May 26th, 2005

Ginni and I were 14 months apart. I was just a toddler and I remember the day she was born. My mother was visiting my grandfather in Arlington, VA. I guess Mom wasn't expecting Ginni while she was on vacation...what a nice little surprise.

From the day she was born, Ginni was my best friend. Somebody to love...somebody to share secrets with...somebody to play with...somebody to beat the crap out of.

When she was diagnosed with breast cancer in '94, my first reaction was unbelief. The doctors HAD to be wrong. I mean, GOD...she was barely in her 30's. This stuff was UNHEARD of in women her age. Unfortunately, she was so far away from me. She and her family were in Texas and I was here in Virginia. She had a toddler, two school-aged children, a husband, several pets and breast cancer. I was feeling helpless...and totally uninformed. I was the older sister! Why was it HER and not ME?

After a couple of years of treatment, she was declared free of cancer. What a relief. I felt like we could get on with life. Live to be 90 years old and watch Lifetime movies together in our rocking chairs. In November of 2000, she called me to tell me that the cancer was back. In a small bone in her back. I thought, "Okay, she beat it the last time...she can do it again. It's just one little bone and they can wipe that out easily." She began treatment again at Ft. Hood, TX determined to beat it.

Ginni moved back to Virginia with her children in 2003. Her marriage had failed. She was devasted. I was devastated for her..but then again, I was grateful to have my best friend home again. She started her new life...heartbroken...but determined not to let it get the best of her. She had a successful run of Taxotere for about a year until it stopped working. Doctors found spots on her liver. They were not growing at the time...she remained stable. Her oncologist tried to get her into the Epothilone trial at the National Institutes of Health. The GOOD news is, she was not sick enough to qualify for this trial.

After unsuccessful runs of Navelbine and Gemzar (which not only made her sick, but gave her thrush too), her oncologist referred her once again to National Institutes of Health to be part of the allogeneic stem cell transplant protocol. This is where she would receive stem cells from a sibling. Ginni qualified for this trial. All she needed was a matching sibling.

I prayed and prayed that I would be the match. My two brothers, sister and I were all tested in early January 2005. After two weeks of pins and needles, Ginni called me to tell me that I was the only match. She and I both cried for joy. You couldn't get me off the ceiling!!!!!

In February, she and I went to Bethesda for extensive testing. My testing took one day...her's took 4. They checked us for everything from HIV to West Nile to infections in the toenails. We were checked from top to bottom. After that, we were sent home to rest so we could return in early March to get the ball rolling.

Ginni began pre-transplant chemo on March 1st. On March 3rd, I spent 3 hours on the apheresis machine giving lymphocytes. This was to be used to inject Ginni after the transplant to help her avoid contracting Graph VS Host disease. Between March 3rd and the 7th, I had to inject myself twice daily with Neupogen...a drug to stimulate the stem cells. Ginni laughed watching me inject myself. I mean, she was an old pro...and I looked like a 3 year old going to the pediatrician! Actually, she was waiting for me to draw blood. She said she had done it so many she'd think something was wrong if I hadn't done it at least once. She got her wish. On the last injection before the apheresis, I drew blood. Oh well, I laughed with her. Even though it smarted a little.

On March 7th, I was once again hooked up to the apheresis. This time to give the actual stem cells. By that time, the Neupogen had made me so sick, I didn't care what the nurses did to me. I was given Emla to numb both arms...Nurse Gail hooked me up and I layed still for 6 hours giving stem cells. The actual donation part didn't hurt so bad! As a matter of fact, the more extra stem cells they took off of me, the better I felt. Nurse Gail, Ginni and I watched movies and ate jelly bellies during the process. I thought I was going to have to stop before the 6 hours was up, though. I was given at least 4 liters of fluid during the procedure and was having a difficult time using the bedpan. (you can't get out of the bed during this time.) Anyway, fortunately I completed the cycle. Trace got a kick out of how fast I got to the ladies room after I was unplugged.

Doctors needed 3 million stem cells in order to have a successful transplant. If they didn't have 3 million, I would have to repeat the procedure the following day. Doctors called me at the hotel room that evening to tell me that I had given 11 million. Praise God. On March 8th, we went back home. Ginni needed to stay away from people with infections...and I was to take her back in two weeks to prepare for the transplant.

On March 23rd, we returned to NIH. I admitted Ginni. I knew I was going to cry when I left her...so I had my friend Stormy drive me home. I was going to return that weekend to bring a care package. On March 24th, I received a call from one of the doctors on the transplant team. They couldn't wake Ginni up. They believed that her pain medications were backing up in her liver. They also said that the last two scans had shown that the cancer had gotten aggressive in the liver and had created a blockage. I immediately returned to NIH. Ginni was wide awake and she said that all she was doing was getting a little rest...and she was fine. On March 25th, the doctor spoke to Ginni, her son Chris and me. We were advised to take her home because there was nothing more they could do for her. NIH had already called hospice back home. Giving her the transplant at this stage in her disease would only kill her sooner. My heart was broken.

We returned home on March 27th. I stayed with her 24/7...we were both determined that we would fight this and prove the doctors wrong. I gave her the medications that were prescribed. I made sure she drank plenty of fluids and I tried to make sure she ate something everyday. She looked like she was doing well....but she was getting weaker.

April 6th, she spent most of the day out of it....and most of the night in complete pain. On April 7th, I took her to the Naval hospital where her oncologist was. Her pain was unbearable. Doctors said she was in liver failure. I couldn't believe it was time to let her go. She was admitted to a very large private room where family was able to come in and out. It was just the two of us. She was taken to her room at 8 pm...I pulled my bed up right beside her. She moaned for hours. I didn't know if she was in pain or if she was trying to say something. I couldn't tell. I still did not want to believe she was dying. I knew that any minute, she would sit up and say all was well.

I fell asleep around 10 pm. At about 1:45 am on April 8th, the nurses woke me to tell me that she was leaving us. They said they had walked into the room after they noticed that she wasn't moaning anymore. They saw her with her eyes opened wide straight up to heaven. I got close to her and assured her that I was still there. She was taking her last breaths. I still wasn't believing what I was seeing. Immediately after her last breath, I felt a warm embrace...it was her with her arms around me tight and her head on my shoulder. My sister was no longer in pain....but now my journey without my precious Ginni was beginning.

I have been through anger, denial, tears, unbelief, numbness...you name the emotion, I probably had it. I don't know how many times I nearly picked up the phone to call her. I thought I was nearly losing my mind. I had to remind myself that she's gone.

I asked God the question: "Why did you make ME the stem cell match when she wasn't going to be able to use them anyway?" I felt God speak in my spirit...He said it was so we could have precious quality time together. I believe that with all my heart. God knew what He was doing. He knew it was Ginni's time to go home...and He gave me an awesome gift. Time alone with my sister...my best friend.

Ginni's journey on earth is done...but my journey continues. Ginni was an advocate for breast cancer awareness. I will continue the message until either I leave this earth or there is finally a cure.

I love you, Ginni. I miss you so much. I'll see you in heaven.